Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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