I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
