You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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