that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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