omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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