We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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