Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
