The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
