I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.