How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
