you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
