Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I wish they made helmets for livers.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

(816): View more from Missouri

yes. helicopter.

Fav 19 5931 1334
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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(850): View more from Florida

Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips

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(970): View more from Colorado

Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain

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(479): View more from Arkansas

It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.

Fav 7 1703 810
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(352): View more from Florida

I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.

Fav 1 530 152
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.

Fav 0 61 5
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