Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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