i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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