I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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