Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize