Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
