Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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