cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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