Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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