Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
