I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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