I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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