sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
