I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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