yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
