I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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