Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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