I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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