if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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