It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
