The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
