I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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