Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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