I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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