this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
