I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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