come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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