you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
