it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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