I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize