I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
