how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
