Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
