I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i've created a new STD.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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