I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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