you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
