He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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