I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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