you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
why is half of my head shaved?
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