So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
