Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
