Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
