The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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