"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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