She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
