Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
and you fell through a lawn chair
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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