I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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