The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
